i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
