she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
