I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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