We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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