Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
