we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am one with the molecules
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
