I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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