ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
