That's when you crack a 10am beer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
