someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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