I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
