and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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