So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
