Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
