I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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