You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Barsexuality is the new black.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
