ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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