Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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