When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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