I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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