i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
