It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
