come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
