Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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