you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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