She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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