$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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