DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
