dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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