I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
