i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I understand Curling. That high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
