brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
