quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
