batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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