Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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