I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
