def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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