I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
