So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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