I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
