Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
