I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
