i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
