Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
