dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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