I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
