Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
