Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
