This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
