thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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