just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
