literally had 100 drinks last night.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
