WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ok first of all what the fuck
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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