he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
