I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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